It’s time to retire to bed, but I have to do this. I\u2019m racking my brain on which of the many things that have happened today I should share with you. Maybe I should just start from the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To begin with, I woke up at exactly 11:35 a.m. Yes, I know! That\u2019s embarrassingly late. Which 21st-century woman wakes up eight hours after the rooster has crowed? But I was genuinely exhausted. When I opened my eyes, they were still red and swollen from sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The fact is, when that proverbial rooster crowed, my two daughters, Nadia and Damita, were in the middle of a competition to see who could outdo the other in speaking in tongues. These two have a language all their own, one no one else in the family can decipher. Given that they\u2019re newer arrivals from heaven, I sometimes wonder if they truly can understand each other. My mother-in-law jokes that Chinese people might understand them. Who knows? As I write this, they\u2019re still deep in their cryptic conversation. (For reference, Nadia is 19 months and Damita is just 3 months old.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By around 12:30 p.m., I had showered, cleaned up both girls, and was ready for the day. The beauty of sleeping in is you temporarily forget your worries. But once I was up, everything came flooding back. I had to call clients, follow up on current projects, and, of course, ask for payments. I hadn\u2019t even had my cup of tea when I was already buried in phone calls, and as usual, each one led to a longer list of tasks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it wasn\u2019t the clients that were weighing heavily on my heart today. It was the financial pressure. We owed a substantial balance to the printers to release my book, In the Arms of a Stranger<\/em>. We were waiting for potential sponsors to get final approvals, but everything felt uncertain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And just when I thought things couldn\u2019t get more chaotic, the girls kept going with their endless chatter. If I could translate what they were saying, it might go something like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Why is Mom nodding at everything we say?” Damita might ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “That\u2019s just what adults do when they\u2019re too tired to speak. It baffles me,” Nadia would respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Then why doesn\u2019t she just lie down and sleep?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Beats me!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Honestly, they wouldn\u2019t even know sleep was desperately calling me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Eventually, they did nap for two whole hours without waking each other or needing me. But just as I started to settle in, it was time for Damita\u2019s next feeding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meanwhile, my anxiety was growing. God seemed to be opening doors everywhere except in getting the books into my hands. I debated calling Agnes, the lady handling the finances, but I\u2019d already reached out to her twice that week. I didn\u2019t want to push too hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I called several clients who owed me, but no one could release payments immediately. My husband, George, advised patience. He said if Agnes hadn\u2019t called by Saturday, we could follow up on Monday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But if you know me, you know patience is not one of my spiritual gifts. I have to fast and pray just to wait for anything. George, on the other hand, is the epitome of calm and rationale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, I got a message from my sister about the money I owed her. She\u2019d lost her job, largely because I had encouraged her to pursue a joint business venture with me, which hadn\u2019t worked out. Worse still, George and she hadn\u2019t been on good terms since. So for the better part of this year, I\u2019ve battled guilt, feeling responsible for upending her life. She\u2019s expecting a child soon and has decided to raise the baby on her own. I\u2019ve tried to convince her to stay with me until the birth, but she\u2019s stubborn and proud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her message crushed me. \u201cI cry myself to sleep,\u201d she had written. That line lingered in my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I asked George if he had a thousand shillings so I could send her something immediately. We had 1,800. He suggested we give her 800 and keep 1,000. I insisted we give her the full 1,000. I could tell he wanted to argue but chose not to. What he didn\u2019t know was that my emotions were already flaring. I remembered how easily he had given his brother the same amount recently without hesitation. Was he hesitating now because it was my sister?<\/p>\n\n\n\n That thought made me even more restless. I began to spiral, thinking about my sister alone and pregnant, with no support. And all I could think was this is George\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After feeding Damita and settling her, I slipped out of the house quietly without telling George or Nadia. Nadia is always clinging to my skirt, so I knew I couldn\u2019t take her along if I wanted peace to think and pray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With the 1,000 shillings in my bag ready to send via M-PESA, I walked. I needed to cool off, to vent, and most importantly, to talk to someone even if it was God. What I didn\u2019t know was that this seemingly small issue had all the makings of a deeper, unresolved conflict. It was a volcano waiting to erupt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026To be continued.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s time to retire to bed, but I have to do this. 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